OK girls, this is what I like to call #realtalk

Why do we let so many men treat us like crap? They get away with murder yet we still feel the need to make excuses for their behaviour. The truth is that the reason lies in our past relationships including those in in our childhood and our self confidence or lack of it and low self esteem.

As psychology would have it. when we were children, we observed and experienced certain behaviours and outcomes that taught us how we should think, feel and respond to certain situation. For example, if someone grew up seeing that when ever dad spoke to mum, mum seems uncomfortable, scared and barely able to express her true self, instead of a mutual relationship based on love and understanding, the child observes that the relationship between mum and dad is more like a leader and a slave. The child then begins to view men as authoritative figures that must be obeyed no matter the cause. The child begins to understand that if mum doesn’t do what dad says or wants, then dad will become angry and distance himself from mum. The child learns that the best way to keep someone that you love is to submit to the their will no matter what so that they do not end up losing that person. Because of this experience, in adulthood the woman is more likely to take a lot of maltreatment from her dominant male counterpart. This can manifest it’s self into self sabotaging behaviours that includes taking crap from people at the expense of your own well being and progress in life.

Granted, I don’t think this explanation covers the entire story, there is so much more to why women especially behave in such ways including the fact that we are generally more emotionally invested in a relationship and thus our emotions control so much of our behaviours.

Yes we are complicated creatures, but if the above explanation has anything to go by, that means that at some stage in our lives, we learned that if we aren’t truly worthy of good treatment and that even if someone is straight up doing us wrong, we don’t have the right to speak up, because if we do, that person may “punish” us, either by leaving or harming us in some other way. So we allow ourselves to stay and live in the pain.

If you are living in the pain, girl, do yourself a favour and say out loud “NO MORE. NO MORE. NO MORE!

You may have a past history but so does everyone else so no, you don’t deserve the disrespect, the hurt or the abandonment.

Reclaim your right to respect and love from those who claim to love you and remember that it’s going to take a lot of work, but, if you are willing to work on yourself, you will get there.